Last week we shared a blog about tantric sex, what it is and what its benefits are . This ancient practice is all about connecting with yourself and your partner. Tantric sex is essentially a slow, meditative sexual practice that allows you to become more aware of and connected to your body’s desires and needs, and can also be a huge source of release from sexual shame and even trauma.
Are you sold yet? If your answer is yes, read on because today we share tips for practicing this ancient practice.
1. Create the right mood.
The secret to an out of this world tantric sex experience is to stimulate all of your senses. A great way to create a nurturing environment is to enhance each sense by either dimming the lights (sight), having delicious scents (smell), using aphrodisiacs (taste), propping your body up with pillows (touch), and playing music (sound). Just make sure the music is not distracting (so maybe skip the heavy dance music?) The goal is to "create a sensual cocoon so you can bring all of your attention, awareness, and focus to the experience."
To really tune into your senses, you might ask yourself: How do the sheets feel? How does the room smell? How does my partner’s face feel when I stroke it? This is also the perfect time to pull out that lingerie set (touch) you’ve been saving for a special occasion.
2. Meditate
Tantric sex involves being fully present during the entire hot session, so practicing meditation beforehand can be a great way to relax your mind and body and bring it into the present moment. Use a meditation app on your phone or find one on YouTube if you're new to meditation and could use some guidance. Meditation is also great before you go solo! (Because, yes, hello, you can practice tantric sex on your own without a partner.)
3. Take a bath
Another great tip to get in the mood before engaging in tantric sex is to take a ritual bath. Washing off the day’s baggage and taking time to just be with yourself can enhance the experience, whether you’re engaging in partnered or solo sex. Being in warm water helps to relax the autonomic nervous system, as it’s similar to being in the womb. Be sure to add some essential oils or herbs for peak ~luxury~.
4. Try the yab-yum position
Yab-yum' means 'mother-father', it is a wonderful position to cultivate a sense of connection as it physically aligns all the major connection points, namely the sexual organs, the heart and the eyes or brain." To get into yab-yum, face your partner in a seated position and cross your legs behind their back so that you are almost sitting in their lap. In this position, you can place your hand on your partner's heart (activating their heart chakra), practice synchronizing your breaths and gaze meaningfully into each other's eyes.
5. Practice harmonized breathing
Breathing on your own during solo meditation can work wonders, but take it a step further by practicing harmonized breathing, where you synchronize your breath with your partner’s. If you’re feeling stressed or anxious, sitting and looking at your partner, hearing and feeling their breath can be a great way to connect. Don’t be afraid to breathe outward and make audible sighs and groans, which can turn into moans.
6. Make eye contact
Prolonged eye contact during sex is not only super sexy, but it’s also great for being in the moment with your partner and feeling more connected to them. When we make direct, prolonged eye contact, it signals to our brain that it’s actually safe to be here in our body, and tells our autonomic nervous system to relax and be present.
7. Practice yoni and lingam massages
Yoni ("womb" in Sanskrit) represents the female reproductive organ (vagina) and is the symbol of the Hindu goddess Shakti, while lingam represents the male reproductive organ (penis) and is the symbol of the Hindu god Shiva (Shakti's consort). Yoni and lingam massages aim to "bring energy and life force back to the genitals, heal trauma blockages and awaken bliss."
I know what you’re thinking: This sounds a lot like mutual masturbation and/or just giving your partner a handjob/finger bang. But in tantra, this type of massage makes much more sense and should be approached with respect. If your partner has a penis, stimulate him slowly and mindfully, massaging his shaft and exploring his balls and P-spot. ( Lube is your friend here.) If your partner has a vagina, take the same approach, using a variety of rubbing techniques to stimulate the clitoris and their inner hot spots. The goal of both types of massage is to connect and bond spiritually, not necessarily to achieve orgasm. (But if you do, that’s okay.) Both partners, giving and receiving, should practice deep breathing and being present—no distractions, just each other.
8. Communicate openly
Part of the practice is getting comfortable enough to say, "Hey, can we take a break? If you start to feel uncomfortable at any point during sex, it's easy to detach from the experience, which is what you want to avoid. But it's important to stay in the experience. Being able to communicate what you're feeling is going to be important in making sure you stay connected, and taking care of yourself also means taking care of your partner, and vice versa.
9. Let go of expectations
Remember that the goal of tantric sex is not to reach orgasm, but to connect intimately with your partner. It is about letting go of expectations and accepting all the feelings that may arise. Sometimes you have amazing orgasms, other times you may be moving through a block, crying and releasing something from your childhood, or maybe your partner has something from their childhood that is coming up, then it is important to communicate and work through the emotions together.
