Often hailed as the creme del a creme of the orgasmic cake, oral sex can be considered the perfect act of vulnerability and liberation.
Still, there are some women who just don't find it that enjoyable, especially when receiving oral sex brings up thoughts like " I wish I had washed better today" or "what should I buy at the store tomorrow ?" and pretty much every other mundane detail that could get in the way of a blissful orgasm.
And the giving?
Thoughts like, “Hmm, should I make eye contact ?” “Am I doing this right ?” “Argh, I hope I don’t gag !” “Does this really feel good for him ?” can completely detract from the experience.
Whether it is giving or receiving, staying in the moment is an important element to enjoying it. Women who have a lot of anxiety about oral sex are often the ones who try to perform a sexual act that does not turn them on.
And staying in the moment is also very difficult if what you are doing does not excite you. But a lot of the fear of failure is unnecessary because the most important thing is that your partner feels your desire for them.
But here's the thing... despite the fact that you know your enthusiasm is more powerful than any technique , you still want to make it the best experience ever.
And that's exactly where we come in... whether you're experiencing performance anxiety or struggling to reach orgasm on your own, we've got some super sexy (and helpful) tips to help you move forward and improve your oral sex play .
Make oral sex great again
Everyone deserves great oral sex. Consider the following tips and you'll be on your way to greatness in no time.
Take it easy
While it may seem counterintuitive, the best way to ramp up the moment is to slow down the foreplay rather than rushing to get the job done. Instead, take your time exploring their body and kissing gently.
The benefits of this approach are twofold:
- You raise the bar and make them super excited about what awaits them
- The experience of slowly stimulating each erogenous zone will allow you both to be fully present.
Maintain good hygiene
While all vaginas have a natural odor, a common concern among women who have oral sex is whether they smell good and are "clean enough" down there.
While vaginas are supposed to smell like vaginas (and no one should EVER be judged by their natural scent), you still need to keep things clean to avoid transferring bacteria.
Plus, knowing that your genitals are relatively clean can relieve some anxiety and make you feel more comfortable and confident.
Additionally, when it comes to oral sex, most people don’t necessarily think about their oral hygiene, but it’s actually pretty important! Oral health is directly linked to the transmission of infections, and it’s essential to consider whether you or your partner have mouth sores or bleeding gums before engaging in oral sex.
But before you go scrubbing your teeth right before oral sex, it's essential to note that flossing or brushing your teeth right before or right after oral sex increases the risk of STD transmission, especially if people have sensitive gums that bleed easily.
A good rule of thumb is to avoid oral sex within two hours of brushing or flossing to give your mouth time to heal.
Let it go
Letting go of your worries and focusing on what you're doing can help you get in the mood and truly enjoy pleasing your partner.
The problem with offering oral sex when you don't enjoy it and it doesn't sexually arouse you, the act becomes mechanical and over time can become a cause of aversion.
In short, what we are saying is that it is never recommended to do things sexually for others (that don't turn you on), because chances are you fall into the opposite camp - not wanting to be sexual at all (or even worse, feeling like your pleasure or arousal is less important!).
Try 69
Sometimes all you need is a little mutual love. And what better way to do it than to throw some numbers into the mix... more specifically, 69!
Adding a new level of engagement through the classic 69 position is an approach to shifting oral sex away from the idea of servitude.
As a result, you'll likely feel less self-conscious (because you'll feel less like you're putting on a show and more like you're making an effort to connect). This kind of oral sex really adds rocket fuel to the notion of shared pleasure.
Let your imagination run wild
Fantasizing during oral sex can help women with anxiety experience more pleasure from acting out their deepest desires.
While some people feel that thinking about pornographic fantasies during sex could distract from an intimate moment, certain types of fantasies are key to super great oral sex.
Think of it this way: If you let these sexy thoughts come up (even if you don’t share them), you can enjoy all sorts of erotic acts and enjoy oral sex in a way that turns you on. It’s a win-win!
Think about what you eat
Did you know that fruits with a high water content, like strawberries and pineapple, can help with your natural lubricant and add some extra sweetness to the taste?
Yes, what you eat can change your smell/taste, so if you really want to amaze your partner, try eating more fruits and vegetables.
But, as we said, your vagina cleans itself and has a natural aroma, so you don't have to worry about its smell or taste.
Go on
Luckily for those who have vaginas, there is no limit to how many times someone can orgasm in one session. So why not continue after they've reached their climax to see if you can give them another?
The same goes if your partner has a penis - don't pull out as soon as they have an orgasm. Massage the shaft lightly with your mouth or hand to make them tingle all over.
Get excited and let the enthusiasm flow
As we've already reiterated, the best way to give oral is when you're aroused. And what better way to do that than to make yourself feel good by—yes, you guessed it— feeling yourself.
Think about giving yourself some pleasure while you're giving it; whether it's fantasizing, touching yourself, or wearing a vibe , it's up to you to decide how you're going to get those sensual juices flowing.
Use sex toys during oral playtime
You may already have a vibrator or two for your own pleasure, but this can also be a great way to add new sensations to oral sex for people with penises. Try using a toy like the Power Wand or the Bullet along the shaft and tip of the penis for a little titillating tease.
Sharpen their senses and use a blindfold
Blindfolding your partner can heighten their senses and make their erogenous zones even more sensitive. While they are blindfolded, stimulate their vulva, labia, shaft or head with your tongue (or vibrator) and watch the sweet (yet intense) sensations take over.
Making eye contact
This one works great for both giving and receiving, and helps you connect with your partner (even when your mouth is full!) It's a huge turn on for your partner to look you in the eyes when he's giving you oral sex.
Focus on what matters at that moment
Being present and fully focused on giving oral is where your passion will almost certainly turn your partner on. Conversely, think about how uncomfortable it is when someone is pleasuring you, and their facial expression and body language say, "Okay, how long do I have to do this?
We can’t stress the importance of enthusiasm enough! If you really want to turn your partner on, spirit is everything. Not to mention it sets the tone for both parties to give it their all.
Keep your tongue moist with mints or chewing gum
Saliva is an integral part of giving great head… so we totally get the frustration when a case of dry mouth strikes!
If a dry mouth is the bane of your sex life, keep some breath mints or gum on your nightstand for easy access before bed (pretty much anything containing "xylitol" can help get saliva production going!).
…speaking of spit, try deepthroating
As you go deeper, you can produce more saliva, as bizarre as it sounds. How? This method causes your body to go into flight or fight mode and makes your body gag.
(Remember though, only do this if you feel 100% comfortable with it!)
Get to know the Kivin method
Instead of approaching your vulva with the clit on the north side of the oral compass, have your partner lie perpendicular so that your clit is now in the east or west position.
This allows them to lick your clitoris from north to south, or from left to right, for what is somehow a truly groundbreaking oral sensation known as the Kivin Method.
Bring some help in the back
If your tongue and hands are tired (they work hard all day, we get it!) or even if they aren’t, you can (and should!) enlist some non-human help. Use a butt plug or anal beads with your partner’s permission to take your playtime to the next level. ( Available in our stores, stop by !)
Use your breath
Using your heated breath to stimulate nerve endings is an excellent method of building excitement before you dive in.
This also works with blowjobs and oral sex. Next time you go down on your partner, take a step back to breathe on their sensitive parts before making contact.
The tension will excite them in ways you never thought possible.
Experiment with some gentle prostate play
Did you know that besides internal prostate stimulation via fingering or toys, you can also stimulate a prostate externally? Or consider analingus (aka rimming), which is the oral satisfaction of the anus. This can be licking, sucking, kissing or any other pleasurable act with oral-to-anal contact.
As with any oral sex, make sure everything is clean, but besides that: give it a try! Many people, regardless of their gender or orientation, find this quite pleasurable.
Communication is everything
Talking is easy... and yet some of us have a hard time expressing how we feel! Remember, you can't read each other's minds during sex, so speak up if you want something they're not giving you.
If you find yourself at a loss for words, consider saying something like, "It's so good when you..." or "I'd love it if you tried..." Another thing to keep in mind is that your body language speaks volumes.
It's inevitable that your partner WILL know if you don't want to give him/her oral sex, and that's the biggest mood killer (and possibly the worst thing ever for anyone's self-esteem!).
So, if you decide to go down on someone, make sure you want to.
And then make sure you're ready to show them how much you want it - every. time.
