Unfortunately for all of us, sometimes getting in the mood for sex isn’t as easy as wanting to be in the mood for sex. From date nights where a consensual hookup is 100 percent on the menu to stressful moments that could benefit from an orgasmic release, there are plenty of times when our minds want to get in on the act, but our bodies act like they literally don’t care. How rude.
But all hope is not lost! Learning how to get horny when you’re not really feeling it is not only possible, but it’s also a great skill to have for those times when you know you need an orgasm but your vagina is giving you the silence treatment.
While you always have the option of *not* having sex - whether it's alone or with a partner - that doesn't change the fact that sometimes you want to have it, but you just don't feel sexually stimulated.
The body can be a very complicated place, there are many different factors that play a role in getting horny.
First, all bodies are unique. Second, the three sexual powerhouse hormones—estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone—impact the sexual desire and arousal a person experiences when they want to be intimate with themselves or their partner(s). When these hormones get out of balance, like when you’re stressed or sleep-deprived, your ability to get aroused can quickly go MIA.
The good news is that there are plenty of ways to hack your own horniness, even if you don’t feel it at first. To help you out, we’ve got some tips on what you can do to go from 0 to 100. From sultry breathing techniques to sexy games, here’s how to get in the mood for a sexy session fast.
1. Wear vibrating panties.
Where would we be without vibrating panties ? The classic sex toy is a favorite for a reason and a great item to have in your arsenal for those moments when arousal doesn’t just happen. We suggest wearing one when you’re out to dinner with your partner. Give them the remote and by the time you leave the restaurant, you’ll be craving more.
Feeling like staying in? Try wearing them while you’re working, eating, or just hanging out in the evening. No matter where you’re located, you’ll be surprised at how turned on you get by the unexpected partner-provided stimulation.
2. Role play.
Not just with your partner, but that’s not a bad idea either. Instead, try role-playing with yourself by creating an ultra-sexual ego. This other “you” doesn’t have to be about the emails from your annoying boss or the laundry piling up—it’s all about having fun. Buy a wig in a different color, wear something that doesn’t suit you at all, throw on some wild makeup, and stare at yourself in the mirror as you begin to explore the body of ~your character~. Creating an illusion outside of your daily life is “essential,” and in turn, can help you get out of a dry spell.
3. Play with your nipples.
Before you dive into masturbation or penetrative sex, focus on areas other than your genitals. Caress your neck, chest, nipples, thighs, and those little erogenous zones that get ignored when you masturbate. Focus on touching yourself in a sensual way, and play with intensity and friction to see what feels good. You might even want to grab a pair of nipple clamps, just to see if they do anything for you.
4. Play The Sims.
Yes, The Sims. Like the game you played all through grade school and then quarantined with COVID-19. Download the underground Wicked Whims mod that will literally leave you breathless. Watch your Sims play out your wildest fantasies…
5. Watch Netflix.
You don’t have to watch shows just for the storylines. There are tons of movies and series you can stream that are full of sexy scenes. And honestly, sometimes the hookups on Netflix are even hotter than porn because you’re so emotionally invested in the characters. Check out the sexiest shows and movies on Netflix and make sure you have a vibrator handy.
6. Play a sexy game.
If you’re looking for a fun way to get turned on, try a sultry game . There are tons of different options, from strip poker to roleplaying adventures. You can even sexualize some of the old board games by adding a few new rules. Erotic Scrabble, anyone?
7. Take a bath.
Relaxing and de-stressing is step one when it comes to arousal, so if luxurious baths are your thing, consider jumping in before you start having sex. Grab a nice scrub and soak, let the warm water loosen your muscles, and lean into the faucet—literally. Whether you’re actually having sex in the bathroom or not, a little ~ me time ~ will help you get in the mood.
8. Do some sexy yoga.
Tantric yoga that leads to a nine-hour orgasm? Apparently it’s possible. But even if you don’t go all out with erotic poses, taking the time to stretch will get your blood pumping and your body awake. Light some pretty candles, take your time with a few poses, and pay attention to how your body feels with each downward dog .
9. Play *that* song.
You know the one. It’s the song that literally makes you feel like a sexual goddess – whether it’s while you’re masturbating or dancing in the club. And yes, it definitely does all sorts of things to your horny radar. So put it on and get your body moving to the beat. Can’t think of any sexy songs? A song by The Weeknd, Cardi B or Megan Thee Stallion should do the trick. Or how about Emmy Meli’s “I Am Woman”…
10. Build a supply of erotic stories, audio clips and/or images that do it for you.
For this, you might want to create a private file on your phone—via an app, Notes, or a camera roll—with a bunch of things that excite you for moments like this. “Put in your earbuds and listen to warm sounds as you scroll through words and images that do it for you.
11. Activate your senses.
Because, fun fact: they are directly related to your libido. Here’s what we recommend: Eat some aphrodisiacs (like chocolate), set the mood in your room by adjusting the lighting, turn on some music, swap your sheets for something sensual like silk, and put on a perfume that turns you on.
12. Focus on breathwork.
Focusing on your breathing is the most direct way to get out of your head and into your body. Close your eyes and breathe very deeply and slowly. Try different breathing patterns, such as holding your breath for three seconds before exhaling, and see what feels best.
13. Create your own sexual fantasy in your head.
Porn is great, and sometimes even love scenes on Netflix or TV can be better. But by creating your own sexual fantasy in your head, the mental images will get you where you want to go even faster. Remember: your mind is your safe space, so feel free to explore all the fantasies you’ve stored there without any shame.
14. Take a consciously sexy shower.
Use your sponge, washcloth, and/or fingers to get yourself aroused. You’re already soapy, wet, and slippery, so your fingers will glide over your most sensitive areas even better. You don’t even have to masturbate (unless you want to when you’re getting aroused!), just focus on touching yourself in a soft, sensual way.
15. Try some CBD arousal products.
While some CBD arousing oils can compromise the integrity of latex barriers like condoms, that’s not something to worry about if you’re just trying to get aroused. Many people have reported increased arousal, lubrication, and orgasm intensity from using CBD sex products. Try some out for yourself and see if it makes a difference…
16. Reread your old sexts.
Sexting is a gift that keeps on giving! It’s good in the moment and you can always reread the steamy messages you exchanged afterwards. Sure, you may not actually be with the person you sexted with back then, but the steamy fantasies are yours to relive for as long as you want.
17. Set your photo timer and do a boudoir shoot for yourself.
There is something special about taking pictures. By taking pictures you can celebrate your body and at the same time see yourself as the desired object of desire that you are.
Put on your favorite sexy silk nightie, pretty lingerie or go for a edgy look and use your photo timer to take some hot photos just for your own use. Knowing that they are only for you can also make you less self-conscious about the whole thing. Plus posing and contorting your body for your own gaze is hella hot and empowering.
18. Undress in front of a mirror.
What’s sexier than you? Literally nothing! Remind yourself how ~hot~ you are, and turn yourself on in the most natural way imaginable. If it feels a little weird, try focusing on the physical features you love the most, like how shiny your hair is, how sparkly your eyes are, or how that fresh manicure looks when you caress your curves.
19. Or just put on some lingerie.
We think most of you like to hang out in your lingerie when you're alone. Put on your sexiest, most sexy lingerie and the rest will (literally) take care of itself.
20. Look for new sex toys .
Sometimes, just looking at new ways to make yourself cum can be a hot activity in itself. So check out some blogs about the latest sex toys or browse our site and see what happens. Pro tip: the reviews are where all the really hot and juicy stuff is.
21. Watch the middle 40 minutes of Magic Mike.
Because, uh, that's when most of the naked sexiness happens. You're welcome. Never mind that the movie came out in 2012 (!!!). The majesty and ART of a naked Channing Tatum stripping on screen will get the job done for generations.
